I am currently in that process of peeling of the layers that had come with those seeds that were planted. We all deserve to see our real selves, pure and real, reflecting back on us in the mirror. But it certainly takes a lot of effort and time to get there. One must be patient and understanding to get there, but once we do, it's a different kind of joy that can never be replaced.
You write so well, with so much depth. My writing style has been very objective and factual. So I am learning from your posts how to write with more depth. I wish you the best.
This helped really, I have been thinking of deleting this account, maybe because I wasn't expecting something maybe to get some attention and who doesn't like appreciation, and at the same time I wanted to write for myself in a way that'd prove that I could think and I was alive in the current world and known to its problems which needed to be addressed not in the hope of changing the world but in a way my soul would be satisfied maybe I was expecting so much from me I always do and fail and blame again for not trying hard enough though there are so many other factors to it. I wanted to restart I still do think about starting substack again with a strong plan on what I want to write and do about it maybe again falling in that cycle I'm not sure I haven't made a decision yet. Limiting life to a certain set of hobbies and things is a goto for many but what if I want to chase so many aspects of the world outside and within but simply my mind isn't available because it's far to sick. I'm glad you liked my writing. Sorry for the fat ass paragraph
To be honest, as far as I have seen, a lot of people feel this way. The same happens with me too at times. I feel like I can't handle all the attention or appreciation. I feel good when someone appreciates me but it almost feels like not earned. I don't know why. But there are also days when few compliments actually validates me and help me in sticking in whatever I am doing. I would like say one thing. I am not trying to be preachy but just stick with it. As you said in your post it's not about returning to something pure but about being real and honest. And right now you are being real and honest right? Nothing else matters I think. And, I can really understand how it feels to have a desire to explore a lot of aspects that are out there, but we don't even feel like doing even one thing well. The simplest solution that I have found, it's not fullproof, but works sometimes, is to accept that I can't do all the possible things all at once.
I can pick one thing I like the most and i can pick two more that I think I would like. In trying to balance it we get to know what actually is for us. It helps to eliminate things then.
I am really sorry for sounding that I have it all figured out. It's not like that. Things keep happening, and we gotta keep trying, again and again. We aren't that bad for ourselves, are we?
It's okay to have expectation from ourselves but the most important thing is living and if expectations kills our desire to keep living, they are worthless. That's what I say to myself. Sometimes it work and sometime it doesn't, but we are not that bad, as we think sometimes.
Yeah, we make mistakes, but we are trying, aren't we? And that's enough.
Take care.
And I am really sorry if I said something wrong.
The post was awesome but i think I would have to reread again a bit for I didn't fully grasp it.
But well very well written.
Keep writing.
Writings don't need to be perfect, they just need to exist. I think the same when I write :))
You are so harsh on yourself. It's evident from just this comment of yours. It must have been difficult getting to this point. But the self hatred is what is making you feel bad in a lot of ways. Think for yourself the way you would think for a friend. I always thought this line was generic and cheesy, but it is true if you think about it. You are so kind to your friend in difficult situation. But you are so harsh to yourself? You can't be happy that way.
the more we want life to make sense, more troubled we will be, answer lies in 'being' -- as you have mentioned in the last paragraph.
I'm glad I could do something ;))
This was such a great read!
I am currently in that process of peeling of the layers that had come with those seeds that were planted. We all deserve to see our real selves, pure and real, reflecting back on us in the mirror. But it certainly takes a lot of effort and time to get there. One must be patient and understanding to get there, but once we do, it's a different kind of joy that can never be replaced.
You write so well, with so much depth. My writing style has been very objective and factual. So I am learning from your posts how to write with more depth. I wish you the best.
This helped really, I have been thinking of deleting this account, maybe because I wasn't expecting something maybe to get some attention and who doesn't like appreciation, and at the same time I wanted to write for myself in a way that'd prove that I could think and I was alive in the current world and known to its problems which needed to be addressed not in the hope of changing the world but in a way my soul would be satisfied maybe I was expecting so much from me I always do and fail and blame again for not trying hard enough though there are so many other factors to it. I wanted to restart I still do think about starting substack again with a strong plan on what I want to write and do about it maybe again falling in that cycle I'm not sure I haven't made a decision yet. Limiting life to a certain set of hobbies and things is a goto for many but what if I want to chase so many aspects of the world outside and within but simply my mind isn't available because it's far to sick. I'm glad you liked my writing. Sorry for the fat ass paragraph
To be honest, as far as I have seen, a lot of people feel this way. The same happens with me too at times. I feel like I can't handle all the attention or appreciation. I feel good when someone appreciates me but it almost feels like not earned. I don't know why. But there are also days when few compliments actually validates me and help me in sticking in whatever I am doing. I would like say one thing. I am not trying to be preachy but just stick with it. As you said in your post it's not about returning to something pure but about being real and honest. And right now you are being real and honest right? Nothing else matters I think. And, I can really understand how it feels to have a desire to explore a lot of aspects that are out there, but we don't even feel like doing even one thing well. The simplest solution that I have found, it's not fullproof, but works sometimes, is to accept that I can't do all the possible things all at once.
I can pick one thing I like the most and i can pick two more that I think I would like. In trying to balance it we get to know what actually is for us. It helps to eliminate things then.
I am really sorry for sounding that I have it all figured out. It's not like that. Things keep happening, and we gotta keep trying, again and again. We aren't that bad for ourselves, are we?
It's okay to have expectation from ourselves but the most important thing is living and if expectations kills our desire to keep living, they are worthless. That's what I say to myself. Sometimes it work and sometime it doesn't, but we are not that bad, as we think sometimes.
Yeah, we make mistakes, but we are trying, aren't we? And that's enough.
Take care.
And I am really sorry if I said something wrong.
The post was awesome but i think I would have to reread again a bit for I didn't fully grasp it.
But well very well written.
Keep writing.
Writings don't need to be perfect, they just need to exist. I think the same when I write :))
So, you're already on something great.
Just keep going!!
You're really doing great.
You are so harsh on yourself. It's evident from just this comment of yours. It must have been difficult getting to this point. But the self hatred is what is making you feel bad in a lot of ways. Think for yourself the way you would think for a friend. I always thought this line was generic and cheesy, but it is true if you think about it. You are so kind to your friend in difficult situation. But you are so harsh to yourself? You can't be happy that way.
I think about that phrase often and to be fair i can't help it